How Faith Drives My Pregnancy
This might sound like a stretch, but hear me out. At a college party, I remember a couple of strangers attempting to convince me to participate in their not-so-sober activities with my friends. The harder they pushed, the more I began to believe that their suggestions were coming from a place of insecurity, which inspired my disinterest even more. I noticed this human drive to create a community with those who believed and wanted to take the same action, and if one chose not to follow the same path, it caused discomfort and challenge. I would not make new friends that night. I also would never attend another college party or participate in much else with the friends I thought I had. We know that humans are a sensitive species…
Why am I bringing this up when talking about faith during pregnancy? In the mainstream world I surround myself with, I have encountered the same human drive from other women who wanted to impose firm opinions on my journey and preferences, particularly leading to labor and birth. If I didn’t show the same level of uniformity, I would be labeled by “the eyes” of disapproval, as if my thoughts were almost dangerous to myself and the well-being of my growing little one. The harder they push, the harder I push back, even if I am not saying a word.
Throughout this adventure, I’ve realized the importance of not putting or managing my trust in the human condition of acceptance but rather putting and managing my trust through the eyes of my Creator. He created me, so why wouldn’t I consider His word a major contributor to my perspective? He isn’t “peer pressuring” me into anything because He doesn’t need my approval to exist. He hopes that I make room to take His knowledge and believe it is true and undisturbed—much like the labor and birth I hope and pray to have.
This mindset, alone, has helped me in ways I couldn’t possibly praise enough.
The real test of this, more than anything else I experienced in my pregnancy thus far, began at the dreadful 20-week appointment when my husband and I found out that our little girl was at risk of preterm labor due to something my body was doing. My immediate internal reaction was…how could my body betray my daughter and myself? How could this happen? How could I cause such distress to my husband? My family? It was heartbreaking to see their faces transition from hopeful to almost a stoic representation of horror. They didn’t want me to blame myself, but how could I not at that moment? We also showed faces of clear distraught, tears rolling down. We were scared.
What was I to do? I needed to remember what was within my control and what was in His and…guess what? Not much was within my control, which meant the rest was and still is completely and entirely up to Him. I could do everything “right” in this pregnancy and still have a preterm birth. The question was, though, what was my controllable, and how do I work with G-d to see how maybe we can collaborate on this and get me over this hump.
What I knew first and foremost is that in my faith, we do not indulge in anxiety, fear, anger, or depression. It’s not that the emotions don’t exist, but that we learn to take hold of these feelings and handle them rather than allowing them to dictate our actions. These emotions don’t allow us to serve Him, our communities, families, spouses, or ourselves. That said, I made the executive personal decision to trust that word and keep my head steady. That night, I took my sadness and confusion and compassionately tucked it in a box in my mind that said, “Do not open.”
Already, I noticed a change in my attitude. For that month of extensive monitoring, I found myself high-spirited. Somehow, this newfound challenge was more about trusting something more significant than any human being and surrendering any moments of distress to Him. No human being would ease my mind the way thinking about His support would. I suddenly felt like I had this spiritual partnership that surpassed this realm. It felt special and different.
When I trust Him, my intuition and decision-making are also stronger. The doctors told me to take progesterone and modified bedrest to help combat potential problems. I ultimately felt in my heart that this would be good for me and the baby. At each decision, I would weigh decisions based on what caused my body to relax suddenly. It was like there was this pull to trust this calming sensation and reject actions that didn’t yield that. G-d doesn’t instill evil thoughts or sensations, so I knew if it wasn’t calming, it probably wasn’t Him wanting that.
I’m blessed that everything stabilized during that month, and I have to thank my faith for getting me through that. My emotions were so in check, and my stress was so low that my body felt much stronger. I was proud of this partnership I was developing with G-d and knew this was the way. Prayer and surrendering would be my friends during this time, and as each week passes, I am reminded of this surrendering even when it is not easy.
Over the next several weeks, following that 24-week checkup, I would be faced with other decisions. With each one, I looked towards that calming sensation—the one that told me my faith door was open to receive His guidance. So far, this unconditional trust in Him has helped me keep my mind as steady as can be, focused on what my goal is at hand, and that’s hopefully having the kind of birth where my little girl and I can walk out of that birthing center door happy, healthy, alive, and well ❤️
Without faith, I would have felt lost—compelled to care more about what others wanted me to do, want me to feel like, or think. With faith, I felt seen—strengthened by His protection and provision—that everything was and is happening to help my baby and me. I no longer worry about making others comfortable with my choices as much as I care about making sure that I’m doing what brings peace to my journey.
